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Summary of Crucial Conversations
Short summary
Plain vanilla conversations are an everyday occurrence for us humans, so we kind of handle them right when we have them.
Where the “problems” arise is when the conversations turn crucial ― there are high stakes involved, opinions vary, or emotions run high. We generally fail to handle these other types of conversations well for several reasons. For one, we don’t even recognize the moment the conversation transitioned from plain vanilla into the crucial territory. Also, when we do realize we are in “crucial zone,” we have no modus operandi for dealing with it.
The authors of “Crucial Conversations” take us through the journey from being novices at crucial conversations to becoming the most talented dialogue in the room.
15 min
10 key points
0Table of content
- Summary of Crucial Conversations
- About the author
- What is Crucial Conversations about?
- Who should read Crucial Conversations
- Topics in Crucial Conversations
first key point
The crucial conversations you get into during the course of your day have an effect on the quality of your personal and professional life
Listen the first key point
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Crucial conversations are the day-to-day conversations that affect your life, as opposed to plain vanilla conversations.
Conversations become crucial when opinions vary, for example, when you and a boss differ on whether or not you are ready for a promotion; when the stakes are high, for example, in a strategy meeting when the company is not meeting its annual growth rate; and when emotions run strong, for example, when you are in the midst of an emotional standoff with your spouse.
Crucial conversations are what they are because the results have a huge impact on the quality of your life. We often back away from having them because we fear that we will make matters worse. Instead, we adopt all kinds of tactics to dodge touchy issues. We send an email to a colleague instead of walking down the hall to talk cold-turkey. Bosses leave voicemails in lieu of meeting with their direct reports.
Strong relationships, careers, organizations, and communities all draw from the same source of power — the ability to talk openly about high-stakes, emotional, controversial topics.
Conversations become crucial when opinions vary, for example, when you and a boss differ on whether or not you are ready for a promotion; when the stakes are high, for example, in a strategy meeting when the company is not meeting its annual growth rate; and when emotions run strong, for example, when you are in the midst of an emotional standoff with your spouse.
Crucial conversations are what they are because the results have a huge impact on the quality of your life. We often back away from having them because we fear that we will make matters worse. Instead, we adopt all kinds of tactics to dodge touchy issues. We send an email to a colleague instead of walking down the hall to talk cold-turkey. Bosses leave voicemails in lieu of meeting with their direct reports.
Strong relationships, careers, organizations, and communities all draw from the same source of power — the ability to talk openly about high-stakes, emotional, controversial topics.
second key point
The bigger The Pool of Shared Meaning is in a crucial conversation, the better the outcomes that result from it
Most of us think we are limited to either/or choices, also known as The Fool's Choice — a choice between telling the truth and losing a friend — in a crucial conversation.
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third key point
Getting your heart right, first, is the key to getting your crucial conversations right
fourth key point
Learning to recognize the moment a conversation starts turning unhealthy will enable you to respond quickly and get it back on track
fifth key point
There are very simple, logical steps you can take to restore safety to a crucial conversation gone wrong and get it back on track
sixth key point
By staying in charge of your emotions and proactively acting on them during a crucial conversation, you give the conversation a chance to yield the outcome you desire
seventh key point
S.T.A.T.E. is the framework you can use to master the persuasive speaking skills necessary to make a success out of a crucial conversation
eighth key point
You can build rapport with the other participant in a crucial conversation by allowing him or her to S.T.A.T.E. his or her path
ninth key point
The “Who-Does What-By When-How will you follow up” framework helps turn crucial conversations into actions and results
tenth key point
Conclusion
What is Crucial Conversations about?
Who should read Crucial Conversations
Topics in Crucial Conversations
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