Summary of Emotional Intelligence Book by Harvard Business Review (HBR) press

Have you wondered why people go through the same kind of hardship in life, but some survive it and later thrive while another set doesn’t make it through the same difficulty?

For instance, some people throw in the towel on life after going through a terrible divorce or the loss of a loved one, while others find a way to pull themselves through the pain and emerge stronger.

What really makes the difference between these two sets of people?

Psychologists have found the answer: it is that some people have more resilience than others.

Since the Holocaust, studies of resilience and how it works have been ongoing. There are a few theories that link resilience to genetics — meaning, some people can’t be resilient because it isn’t a part of their makeup. These theories sure have elements of truth, but latest studies have found that resilience is a trait everyone of us can learn and improve upon.

In the course of her research on this subject, Diane Coutu found that there are three characteristics that resilient people possess; if you imbibe them, you can become resilient yourself. Before we delve into what those traits are, it’s worthy of note that imbibing one or two of these traits can make you resilient to harsh conditions, but having all three equips you even more.

Resilience is the only key to overcoming tough times; optimism alone is insufficient.

The following are the three characteristics of resilient people.

1. Staunch acceptance of reality.

Resilient people don’t live in delusionment. They accept reality for what it is, and that’s why they can find a way around it. Until you accept your reality, you will never be able to bring yourself to a mental state that will allow you to figure out a way to maneuver your path through the problem.

Imagine you’re the CEO of a company that is going bankrupt. Until you accept the reality on the ground and communicate it to your partners and subordinates, you will never be able to save your organization from crashing.

2. Believe life is meaningful.

It’s amazing how our belief system determines the results our lives produce. Sometimes, circumstances can hit you so hard that you begin to think all you’ve ever believed in your life was a lie. Don’t let this happen to your views on life. The day you start seeing life as meaningless is the day you begin to lose any strength to fight through tough times. Resilient people and organizations know deep in their hearts that life has meaning and this belief helps them look beyond any difficulty they may be facing momentarily.

3. An uncanny ability to improvise.

This is the third characteristic you will find in resilient individuals and organizations. Since resilient people don’t give up on life, they tend to think of creative ways to improve on or cope with their situations. And this involves making the most of what they have. For instance, a housewife whose husband ran from home, leaving her alone with the kids may have to start a vocation or small business to support herself and the kids. This may mean going to learn a new skill to make herself more marketable.