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Summary of It Didn't Start with You 

4.7 . 8745 reviews

Short summary

“It Didn’t Start with You” is a groundbreaking approach to breaking the cycle of traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations. The latest scientific research, now making headlines, has shown that the root of most of the mental and physical distress we experience doesn't always reside in our immediate life experience or in chemical imbalances in our brains. It's usually present in the lives of our parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents. Just as you've inherited certain behavior and physical characteristics from your ancestors, you can inherit their pains and traumatic experiences as well. In “It Didn’t Start with You,” Mark Wolynn, an expert in the field of Inherited Trauma, builds on the work of leading experts in psychiatry and post-traumatic stress. Even if the person who suffered the initial trauma is long dead, memory and feelings can live on. These emotional legacies play a far more prominent role in our mental and physical health than has ever before been understood. The transformative approach presented in “It Didn’t Start With You” is highly effective in resolving long-standing problems that, in most cases, traditional therapy, drugs, or other interventions have not been able to touch.

Table of content

  • Summary of It Didn't Start with You
  • About the author
  • What is It Didn't Start with You about?
  • Who should read It Didn't Start with You
  • Topics in It Didn't Start with You
first key point

Our lives are often influenced by the experiences and emotions of our parents and grandparents

Listen the first key point
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Mark Wolynn begins this book with the story of how he lost his vision all of a sudden without any apparent physical reason. He went to the hospital one day complaining of a terrible headache, and he was diagnosed with Central Serous Retinopathy — a condition that causes gradual loss of vision due to accumulation of fluid behind the retina in the eye. The cause of this condition is unknown, and it has no effective treatment.

Afraid that he’s going to end up helpless, alone, and ruined, Mark walked away from his business, his relationships, and his family, and headed to Southeast Asia in search of spiritual healing. Little did he know that the answer to his problems lies in healing his relationship with his parents. After months of bouts of meditation and fasting, he was told by two Gurus on different occasions to “go home” and make peace with his parents.

Mark listened to spiritual leaders, returned home, and made peace with his parents. Gradually, his fears dissipated, and he began to feel a sense of calm and healing. Today, to his ophthalmologist’s total dismay, Mark’s eyesight is 20/20, which is a total miracle given his condition. Medically, someone with the amount of scaring Mark has on his retina should be completely blind.
Where we come from affects where we go, and that what sits unresolved in our past influences our present. ~ Mark Wolynn
In essence, the answer to our problems doesn’t always lie in our own stories. Most of the time, the answer can be found in the stories of our parents, grandparents, and even our great-grandparents.
The effects of trauma, studies show, can pass from one generation to the next. This phenomenon is known as inherited family trauma.
Pain doesn’t always diminish with time or dissolve on its own. Even if the person who suffered the trauma originally is long gone and forgotten, pieces of life experience, memory, and body sensation often live on, as if reaching out from the past to find resolution in the bodies and minds of those living in the present.

In this summary, you will learn to identify inherited family patterns and how to bring an end to this generational cycle.
second key point

The effects of trauma often cascades from one generation to another

One of the common features of trauma is our inability to piece together what happens to us. Also, our thought processes get disorganized in such a way that we no longer recognize the memories as belonging to the original event. Instead, pieces of memory, dispersed as images, body sensations, and words, are stored in our unconscious and can later be activated by anything even remotely suggestive of the original experience.
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third key point

Uncovering the unspoken trigger event in our family history can stop us from reliving our ancestor's traumatic experiences

fourth key point

Your core language provides clues that lead to the origin of unresolved trauma

fifth key point

Uncovering and facing your fears is an essential part of your healing process

sixth key point

Use your greatest fear to unearth the source of your inherited trauma

seventh key point

Your personal healing sentences will help you break the cycle of inherited trauma

eighth key point

Conclusion

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What is It Didn't Start with You about?

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Do you find yourself staring at your computer for long minutes, unaware of time slipping by? Do you enter a room and suddenly cannot remember why you stepped in the first place? Is it a herculean task for you to sit through ten pages of a book without reaching for your phone? If yes, your focus needs some work and fast.

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