For over six decades, “The Art of Loving” by the distinguished psychoanalyst and social philosopher Erich Fromm has helped millions of people all over the world develop their capacities for love and live productive lives. The vast majority of us are unable to love truly and selflessly. We cannot show the kind of love that is borne of maturity, self-knowledge, and courage.
Just like any form of art, learning to love genuinely requires insight, understanding, concentration, and practice.
Fromm explores the theories of love and the fundamental principles of the art of love. He explores all the aspects of love, from erotic love to brotherly love, to motherly love to self-love, and the love of God.
Drawing on works of renowned psychologists and his own insights into human nature, Fromm highlights how we can develop our personalities so as to attain a productive orientation and be able to practice the art of love effectively.
Despite all the evidence to the contrary, we hold on to the belief that nothing is easier than to love
Listen the first key point
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Many humans have this erroneous assumption that there is nothing to be learned about love. We see love as a pleasant sensation that we only get to experience as a matter of chance, something we only get to “fall into” if we are lucky. Erich Fromm’s argument in this book centers on the fact that love, contrary to popular belief, is an art that requires knowledge and effort.
This attitude that there isn’t anything to learn about love is based on several premises that have taken root in our societies for ages. One of these premises, which is mainly used by men, is to be as successful, rich, and powerful as they can be. Another, used mainly by women, is to make themselves attractive, by cultivating their body and dressing fashionably.
Men and women also make themselves attractive by being helpful and modest, learning how to carry a conversation, developing good manners, and being polite.
In our culture, what most people mean by being lovable is essentially a mixture between being popular and having sex appeal. ~ Erich Fromm
Another reason behind this flagrant attitude of ours is the belief that love is simple, but finding the right object to love or be loved by is hard. In our culture, there is a prevalence of marketing orientation, and we attach too much value to material success. So it’s not surprising that our love follows the same pattern that governs the market.
When a man is in search of a partner, he subconsciously believes that he’s after a prize — an attractive girl. For a woman, the prize she’s after is an attractive man.
Attractive, in this sense, usually means a nice package of the most popular and the most sought after qualities in the personality market.
Hence, when two people fall in love, they often believe that they’ve found the best object available on the market — considering the limitations of their own exchange values.
Our misconception about love is also due to the confusion between the first experience of “falling” in love, and the continuous state of being, or “standing” in love.
When two people who have been strangers suddenly let their walls down and become intimate, they enjoy a very exhilarating experience. As these two people become more acquainted, however, their intimacy loses its touch and the initial excitement eventually fizzles out.
In a nutshell, despite all the evidence to the contrary, the attitude that nothing is easier than to love has remained the prevalent idea about love in our society.
second key point
The mastery of the art of love requires theoretical as well as practical knowledge
The most effective way to overcome the failure of love that is rampant today is to examine the reason for this failure and take time to learn about the true meaning of love.
"The Art of Loving" explores the complexities of human relationships and delves into the true meaning of love. Erich Fromm, a renowned psychologist, challenges conventional notions of love and offers a profound analysis of its various forms. Fromm emphasizes the importance of self-love, understanding, and compassion in fostering healthy connections with others. This insightful book provides readers with valuable insights and practical guidance on how to cultivate and nurture love in all aspects of life.
Who should read The Art of Loving
Individuals seeking to understand the complexities of love and relationships.
Psychologists and therapists interested in exploring the psychology of love.
Anyone looking to cultivate a deeper understanding of human connection.
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Do you find yourself staring at your computer for long minutes, unaware of time slipping by? Do you enter a room and suddenly cannot remember why you stepped in the first place? Is it a herculean task for you to sit through ten pages of a book without reaching for your phone? If yes, your focus needs some work and fast.
Actually, yours is not a unique situation. Many adults like you have issues concentrating on a given task. However, in this fast-paced world of ours, you can’t afford to be not focused at all times. Thankfully, this article comes to your rescue! With the tips and tricks from Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey, you will get in the top percent of folks who have mastered the art of concentration.