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Summary of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? 

4.7 . 5151 reviews

Short summary

Have you suffered the abuse of maternal narcissism? Do you have a selfish, emotionally abusive, and toxic mother? If yes, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” from experienced family therapist Dr. Karyl McBride is your guide to recovery. Drawing on her vast experience as a therapist specializing in women’s health, Dr. Karyl McBride helps you recognize the widespread effects of this emotional abuse and create an individualized program for self-protection, resolution, and complete recovery. In this book designed to help daughters reclaim their lives, Dr. McBride outlines a simple program that will help you: 1) recognize your own experience with maternal narcissism and how it affects your life, 2) discover how you have internalized messages from your mother and how these have translated into overachievement or self-sabotage, 3) take control of your life and enhance your sense of self, establishing healthy boundaries with your mother and breaking the legacy of abuse.

Table of content

  • Summary of Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
  • About the author
  • What is Will I Ever Be Good Enough? about?
  • Who should read Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
  • Topics in Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
first key point

Daughters of narcissistic mothers grow up lacking emotional confidence and security

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Many women go about their lives accompanied by a gang of inner critics telling them that no matter how hard they try, they will never succeed or be good enough. These “critics” are often a cumulative result of years of narcissistic mothering.

A narcissistic mother only sees her daughter as a reflection and extension of herself. She pushes her daughter to act and react to the world and her surroundings in the same way that Mom would, rather than in a way that feels right for the daughter.
Daughters who grew up in a family dominated by maternal narcissism go through each day as adults trying their best to be a “good girl” and do the right thing.
They believe that if they try hard enough to please people, they’ll earn the love and respect they crave. No matter how hard they try, unfortunately, these daughters hear familiar inner voices delivering negative messages that weaken their self-respect and confidence.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), narcissism as a personality disorder is classified by the following nine traits:
1. An inflated sense of self-importance
2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. Believes they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by other special people
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. A sense of entitlement
6. Takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends
7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. Envious of others or believes that others are envious of them
9. Shows arrogance, haughty behaviors, or attitudes

Each of these traits is exhibited through behaviors that say “It’s all about me” and “You're not good enough.” Narcissists lack empathy and are unable to show love.
There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead and when she was good she was criticized anyway. ~ Elan Golomb, Ph.D.
Love and affection is something every child needs, but daughters of narcissistic mothers don’t get enough love. And without the love and nurture of a mother, such daughters grow up lacking emotional confidence and security. They internalize the message that they're not worthy of love and do not deserve to be loved.

If you grew up in a family where maternal narcissism dominated, this summary will help you understand why you feel as you do and help you reclaim your life.
second key point

The ten stingers: how maternal narcissism shows up in the mother-daughter relationship

Now let's take a look at how maternal narcissism affects the mother-daughter relationship dynamic. According to Karyl McBride, there are ten common relationship issues that occur between narcissistic mothers and their daughters. She calls these issues the “the ten stingers”:
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third key point

Though narcissistic mothers often express their distorted love in different ways, the effect is always the same and it’s tragic

fourth key point

Lack of maternal love pushes daughters of narcissistic mothers toward a high-achieving or self-sabotaging path

fifth key point

Healing starts with accepting your mother’s limitations and letting yourself grieve

sixth key point

To become whole, you must separate psychologically from your dysfunctional mother and her self-defeating belief system

seventh key point

Become the woman you truly are by creating and nurturing your internal mother

eighth key point

Conclusion

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What is Will I Ever Be Good Enough? about?

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